There and Back, Again
by dyingforsomefiction
Summary: After awakening from the sickness that nearly claimed her life, Marianne has a change of heart and a change of perspective, especially concerning Colonel Brandon. Elinor, of course, longs for Edward, but how will the reunion affect Marianne in her relationship with the Colonel? ColonelxMarianne, ElinorxEdward
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I am a decent writer, but I am nothing compared to the almighty power of Jane Austen. Do not hate me for my lack of eloquence, and I hope, that you can learn to love the story._

Chapter One: Learning to Love Again

Marianne looked back on the day that she had woken from the sickness that nearly claimed her life. She, of course, began to realize that if only she had kept a little more control on her emotions, then she wouldn't have put the poor Colonel through all of the grief that he'd been through.

According to Elinor, Marianne was indebted to the Colonel not only for her being carried inside, to warmth, to safety, but she also must thank him for the sacrifice that he had made in going to get her mother, after of course, doing every thing that he could have possibly done for her Elinor here. For the tiniest of these trifles, she knew that she owed him a lifetime of gratitude, yet beyond her first words of thanks, he would hear nothing of it any more after.

Marianne, having been through all of these ordeals, was the most profoundly grateful for the way that he had put her family above himself. He treated Elinor with such warmth and kindness, the actions that he made were wreaking havoc in her emotionally, every which way, bringing her to the conclusion that not only was he a kind and generous man, he was also a passionate one.

She, in her foolishness, had completely misread the man, assuming that as a man gains in years, that the age, no longer a friend to the body, is furthermore no friend to the soul. With sickness and death pervading all of the years to come, once a certain age had been reached, then sorrow and difficult times became constant companions. Though, now, of course, she realized, what seemed too late, that he wasn't really old at all. His age was nothing more than a stone's throw away from hers, which left her with no reason for her conduct toward him and every reason to regret the way that she had treated him.

Of course, he probably had no inkling of any feelings for her, so the idea that he would go to such trouble, just to see her taken care of, when her heart was not his dearest possession, gave her cause to care for and respect the man who had done so much for one who had been so unconscionably rude and ungrateful.

She looked up from the carriage, having just arrived at their home, for now, - was to be her home, for Netherfield (?) was a distant stranger. She wanted to believe that she would one day look as fondly on the grounds and people here as she had there. Since waking, she had been solely focused on the affirmation of the feelings of her sister and mother, trying to sooth them while also remaining quiet, with her mind being so fraught with many different questions to ponder. Why had she allowed herself to fall for Willoughby and more so, what gave her the right to pine the rest of her life away on someone whose soul would so easily forfeit such a love as theirs.

As her and her sister talked of Willoughby, of his presence during her sickness, of Elinor's compassion that only slightly kept her from ejecting him and his person from the grounds immediately upon his arrival. She, of course, knew that he had said many things of his regrets. For Marianne, however, she knew now that she would have to be strong enough to move on, knowing that the concept of one love per lifetime was a little less lenient than could be decided.

She knew, in her heart, that while it would take a little time to move past Willoughby, for the good of her heart and state of mind, as well as knowing how altered was his state, she felt no hardship in learning to love another. She knew, that in the future, she would seek to be more cautious. Her heart, through this, had learned that pain could be saved by caution, which if the love was strong enough, would not have its passion injured or its tenacity weakened.

He, the Colonel, had been continuing to check on her status as the days passed after he had finished bringing them the fortnight from home. When they had arrived, Marianne had grown weak from the long hours of travelling. Colonel Brandon had insisted on helping her walk the path, so that, if she should faint, or be unable to continue, he would be there to carry her inside.

She would've blushed, and did blush thinking upon the instance in the present. The only reason she could think of for her lack of response was her sole focus on being strong and learning to rely upon herself. Part of her heartache, she knew, came from depending so wholly upon Willoughby for her newfound happiness, which now, proved to be utterly ridiculous. Now, it had been four days since she had arrived home and Colonel Brandon was expected any moment. She sat outside, wishing that she could read, while looking at the green slopes not far from their cottage. She looked out, admiring the scenery, but wondering at the plight of her sister. She, of course, knew now that she would give up Willoughby again, many times over, if it were in her power to bring Edward back to her sister.

Though she had regarded her sister as passionless in the past, she was beginning to notice that, like Colonel Brandon, her sister placed her actions in the small gestures of kindness that she did for Marianne and the family. Marianne, in her shoes, healthy and well, did not know if she would, nor if she could, have been so selfless in her regard to others within the midst of her pain.

She heard footsteps near her, and realized that she must not have heard the person's approach. She looked over her shoulder, to her left, and heard Colonel Brandon say softly, "Good morning, Miss Marianne."

She smiled, for she had grown to enjoy his company. He had a good ear and was more than willing to tell her of the many places that he had been, of the wonders that he had seen. It made her many dull hours fly by, though she could hardly have moved from her place in the yard.

"Good morning to you, Colonel." He smiled, a soft light in his eyes.

"May I join you?" he asked, ever the gentleman, seeking her permission.

"I would be delighted." Her voice rang with sincerity and she was pleased to know that in at least a few ways, she had noticed herself changing for the better, especially around the Colonel.

He motioned for another chair to be brought to him and he said, "If you don't mind, I brought you a present. I know that we were talking of your magnificent library at your previous home, so I thought I would add to it, if you wouldn't be offended by the gesture." She felt the calm that radiated from him, wondering at his peace, at the happiness that he exuded.

"What book is it? May I see?" He reached into his satchel, bringing out a well loved copy of the Shakespearean sonnets.

"From my library to yours," he said, placing it in her hands. The book was light and as she opened it, she ran her fingers across the pages, knowing she didn't yet have the strength to read aloud.

"I've always loved the sonnets," she said, hoping to spur some light conversation. "I'm sure my family will be delighted at your addition to our library."

He looked at the page that she had opened to, looked to her, and said, gently, "Shall I read to you?"

She brightened, wondering how he could have known that she had wished to ask. "I would like that very much, if you have the time."

He smiled, then turned his eyes to the page, his somber, passionate voice coming alive as he read,

" _When to the sessions of sweet silent thought"_

His voice melded with the words, the richness of his voice finding perfect harmony with the tempo of his thought-filled pace.

" _I summon up remembrance of things past,_

 _I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,_

 _and with old woe new wail my dear time's waste:_

 _Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,_

 _for precious friends hid in death's dateless night,_

 _and weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,_

 _and moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:_

 _Then can I grieve at grievances forgone,_

 _and heavily from woe to woe tell o'er_

 _the sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,_

 _which I new pay as if not paid before._

 _But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,_

 _All losses are restored and sorrows end."_

Marianne felt herself shed a tear at his performance, at the way his voice made it seem as if these were his woes and griefs, which reminded her of her own. He looked up, concerned by the tears.

"Miss Dashwood, do you feel well? Should I take you inside?"

"No, Colonel," she assured him while wiping away her tears. "Your reading was excellent, would you continue?"

He paused, looking at her, trying to see for himself if he should seek out any aid for her, but he must have believed her judgement, simply saying, "As you wish, Miss Dashwood." He held out his handkerchief to her. She took it gingerly, giving a small thanks in response.

He continued reading and there they sat for a few hours more, talking of sonnets, while the other Dashwood's watched from the garden, from the house, all hoping for Marianne to have a second chance at happiness.


	2. If Only The Heart Wasn't So Fickle

**Hey everyone! I know that it has been a while since I last updated this story and I am so sorry for that. I've been busy, but now I have a phone that can handle the app. So here is to hoping that my updates can be more consistent in the future. No matter what you think, whether you like it or want to see a certain twist or reaction to something in the story from the book that I have yet to cover, PLEASE TELL ME!!! I love to hear from you all- so please comment/ review. Thanks. Without further ado, chapter two:** **If Only the Heart Wasn't Fickle** Marianne was not the only one intent on enjoying the friendship of the Colonel. His daily visits gave Elinor the strength to continue forward, in the midst of her unfortunate circumstances. If Marianne could yet have the true chance at a second love, Elinor could imagine a day when maybe, she might begin to heal.

Elinor laughed to herself, pondering the switch in countenance between her and her sister as of the past few weeks. Marianne, before her near demise, reliant on emotion alone, with no room to rely on cold reason. At the present, however, Marianne grew more balanced between her emotional state and the necessary reason and logic that she, Elinor, had for so longed for her sister to have.

Yet, in the midst of nearly losing Marianne forever, being parted, perhaps forever, from the only man Elinor had ever found herself to love, she found herself shoving logic and reason aside for the comfort that rampant emotion seemed to give. True, she had expressed next to none of these thoughts aloud, and yet, they began to domineer more and more of her heart by the hour. If only the heart wasn't so fickle, she knew, she hoped that she could have realized her feelings were one sided before they had thus eclipsed her heart.

She looked out on the lawn and saw the Colonel rising from his seat next to Marianne, hearing him promise to return briefly before departing. He handed her the book they had been reading for quite some time and began to walk toward the house, the same expression on his face as in the recent days past, contentment and concern in the forefront of his gaze.

He smiled upon seeing her as he asked if he might enter and visit for a brief minute or two before going on his way. Of course, she willingly obliged him. As they worked their way to the sitting room facing the lawn where Marianne sat, he asked, in a low voice, "Perhaps you might be able to tell me whether or not the doctors have any news as to Miss Dashwood's condition? I could seem to find the ability to ask directly."

Elinor smiled. She, of course, knew of the Colonel's feelings and concern as to Marianne's health and general well being

"Colonel, he does seem to believe that the time outside has done quite a bit of good for her in the last two days. He suggested a walking regimen, which we have tried to accomodate, but we are hesitant to go farther than the reach of the gate in the case of her weak state."

He nodded. "Of course," she stated, having a male escort with us would allow more range, but we haven't anyone to provide us with their time as of yet, and this progress may be weeks in the making before the gate is reached."

"If ever you acquire assistance," the Colonel said, " and feel that you might not tire of my company, I would be honored to assist yourself and Miss Dashwood with this task." He paused, then said, "However, in two days time, I must journey away on business for week, possibly nine days time." He smiled slightly, "Of course, should there be any change, any need for my presence, I do hope that you and your family would not hesitate to send for me."

Elinor smiled back at the Colonel, very pleased but hesitant.

"But Colonel, we would never dream of inconveniencing you apart from our hours of greatest need, and already, our family has such a debt of gratititude to repay that-"

"Miss Dashwood, it is for the sake of my conscience, for my well-being and my state of mind while I am away, that I must ask you, your family, as dear friends, to promise to send for me should any need arise. My servants are to assist you in any matter necessary while I am away. Do you understand and accept my request, Miss Dashwood?"

Elinor knew how strongly he felt for Marianne, but his insistance of friendship to their family as a whole was touching.

"Dear friend, if you insist, then I have no other option than to secure your well being by allowing you to assist the Dashwood family in maintaining our livelihood."

A brighter smile than she had seen from the Colonel in some time radiated across to her now and she wondered if, in the storm of tragedy her family had faced, if he was a saving grace to guide the family through it all.

He expressed his deepest thanks, both as being considered a dear friend and at the reception of the promise that he sought, that he then bowed and made leave.

His step onto the lawn from the house seemed considerably brighter, Marianne thought. She wondered if maybe, Elinor could have a second chance at love after all. Maybe the Colonel was motivated and spurned onward for a flame he held for her sister.

If her sister returned the feelings, she realized that she would feel elated for her sister, if not also a little envious of the companionship of the Colonel. However, if no hope Edward returning existed, she could think of no one who deserved to win her heart more than the Colonel.

She smiled to herself, thinking as the Colonel promised his return the next day, whether she would have ever been worthy of the kind, compassionate, and loyal man standing before her.

She tilted her head as he paused, seemingly hesitant to ask a question.

"Colonel, if you have a question, you need only voice it. I would hope that you should become less ill at ease around the Dashwood family."

She smiled sweetly, trying to encourage his response, for him to sigh a little and ask,

"Do you enjoy playing the piano or is it task you took up solely for others?"

She paused, searching for the right words.

"I find it rather the opposite Colonel, as it was out of selfish desire that I learned to play the piano. My father played and it reminds me of my childhood."

"Selfish?" the Colonel asked, speaking more to himself than to her.

"I realize now that up to this point everything I've done has been utterly selfish, yes." If only the heart wasn't so fickle, she thought, I might have yet been happy.

He looked at her, her face tilted down, regret washing across her face.

"Miss Marianne," he said, "it is not selfish to desire happiness or to grieve or to live passionately. Rather, that is the height of the human experience."

For a moment, he saw her appear to be shocked before she recovered, saying,

"It is very kind of you to comfort someone like myself, Colonel Brandon; you are very generous." He saw her smile, bid her goodbye, and began to wonder what he could achieve in order to make sure he lived in a world where Marianne smiled. If only the heart wasn't so fickle, he thought, he might've been brave enough to have warned her of Willoughby's character.

If only,

if only,

if only the heart wasn't so fickle.


	3. Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter Three: Where Do We Go From Here?

Elinor could see the good that her sister gained in her daily visits from the Colonel. Honestly, she was greatly relieved to know that there was a gentleman nearby who could be counted upon, for Marianne's sake. Even if the Colonel would never admit his feelings to Marianne, both her mother and herself had hope that one day they might be a great match for each other.

Marianne seemed lighter and more grave in these past few days than before, though Elinor was sure that it was to do with the time and distance from the Willoughby situation combined with the company that the Colonel had provided in these last few days.

She was constantly surprised by the vigor of their countenance after so few hours spent together. On the Colonel's part, she felt little surprise, but she was interested at the way that her sister was eager to interact. Marianne had scarcely set down the book of sonnets she had received from him. She wondered, if she had begun to see the Colonel in a new light, or if introspection had caused the difference in her mannerisms and countenance, even with the family.

She and Marianne where about to go for a short walk, as the doctors had recommended, when she thought that she spied one Colonel Brandon handing off his horse to one of their servants.

After exchanging a few words with the servant, the Colonel looked to the front door and she waved to him. He smiled slightly, beginning to walk their way.

As she curtsied, she greeted him with a good morning and he returned the greeting cordially.

"I hope I have not arrived at an inconvenient time. The servant has just told me that you and your sister were about to attempt a small stroll about the grounds."

"Yes, that is quite correct. Would you like to join us? I am sure that Marianne would agree with my proposal with no qualms."

"If your sister would see no issue, and indeed I am not interrupting, then I would certainly wish to join you."

They heard Margaret and Marianne Dashwood desecending the stairs. Elinor saw the Colonel's smile as they heard the two sisters laughing together about Margaret's adventures. The two rounded the corner, only to be a little shocked by the Colonel's presence.

"Colonel Brandon!" Marianne exclaimed, both she and Margaret curtsying at the sight of their visitor, though Marianne did not curtsy as deep as before. "Forgive me for interrupting, but we hadn't heard your arrival."

"Not at all, Miss Dashwood," he said, bowing deeply for such a casual meeting. "Your sister made mention that I might join you for your stroll, if I am not, by your view interrupting your plans."

"Not at all, Colonel Brandon! We would be delighted for you to accompany us." Marianne, looking down, hesitated but a moment before saying, "However, the stroll might be more enjoyable without me, as my pace is much slower than it once was."

"Not at all, Miss Dashwood! If the slower pace is your worry than fret not. If the pace is slower, better conversation will be had by the party as a whole."

"Well said, Colonel. The walk is much more entertaining with Marianne present than without." Elinor looked at her sister, thinking how much good this man might yet do for her sister if she would simply open her heart to him.

Marianne laughed lightly. "You are both far too kind, but if my presence is your desire, I would be foolish to decline the invitation."

They began their trek at the house and walked toward the rolling hills nearby.

Elinor worried aloud that so much walking at this stage might be a poor decision, but Marianne insisted that they continue, determined to become stronger.

They talked of all sorts of topics and Marianne began to ask the Colonel of the places that he had been, of the people that he had met.

At first, the Colonel seemed reluctant to be so open and Marianne quickly sought a change of topic with apology.

"Forgive my inquiry, Colonel, I know you've seen some horrible things, I merely thought of what the world must look like through your eyes."

Marianne smiled gently, hoping that the Colonel would realize that she had meant no ill will. She was beginning to, the more time she spent with Elinor, realize how inconsiderate she had been to others in the midst of her own emotions.

Marianne walked around the corner and saw the hill where she had first met the man she had thought she would love forever.

Suddenly, she felt winded and sunk to her knees. She almost felt like she couldn't breathe. Instantly, both were beside her and asking questions she couldnt answer.

She had her hand around her throat, trying to feel the object keeping her from breathing, but of course nothing was there. She looked over to the concern on the Colonel's face and began to breath deeply again.

She looked to her sister and felt her strength coming back, little by little.

She looked down, feeling helpless and irresponsible. "Forgive me Elinor, Colonel. Being with you both, I must've forgotten my limits. I hate to be a burden, but I am fairly certain that I won't be able to journey back on my own."

She looked up, smiling only for their benefit. Trying to remain positive, she said, "Do not worry. It is a lovely day, so I can simply wait here until some manner of solution is decided."

"It is no burden at all, Miss Dashwood."

Elinor stood and said, "I shall be back shortly. Colonel, would you please stay. If she gets worse, I shouldn't be able to carry her back immeadiately." Elinor, calm and collected in the midst of the plans forming in her mind, couldn't help but notice a small blush.

"Are sure that you feel well enough to wait?" Elinor knew her sister well enough to know that Marianne was still stubborn. Before her illness, she was stubborn to be seen as right, as passionate. More often now, than not, she found her sister stubbornly make everything the easiest it could be on others, to some extent ignoring her needs to ensure the happiness of others. In a time of healing, Elinor saw this as less than ideal.

As Elinor headed away, the Colonel said, "Miss Dashwood, you are forunate to have such a sister."

His tone was honest and sincere.

"Colonel, forgive me if I am in the wrong for asking... but do you find yourself drawn to my sister, Elinor?"

As she expected, the question caught him off guard, but his quick response was not the one she had expected.

"No, Miss Marianne, I am not inclined that way toward your sister. Merely, I can't help but imagine how fortunate you should have been to have such a dutiful friend as a sister." He seemed flustered, and a light blush dusted his cheeks, but time and again she caught herself entranced by his eyes, passionate and openly honest. WilloughbyKs eyes ha been passionate, but never so sincere or compassionate.

Soon after, their conversation had drifted to childhood in both his home and hers. She shared funny stories of Margaret learning to walk and the way that Elinor was perfectly suited to watch them, always catching them before they could carry out any of their childish whims.

They laughed and Marianne thought, "Where do we go from here?"

The Colonel was amazed that he hadn't simply spewed out all of his feelings to Marianne. With her, his worries halted and it was as if they were simply out to a picnic. She had a way of undermining his standoffish intentions. She made him feel at home, simply by walking into the room. He knew she didn't feel the same, but to imagine Marianne thinking that he loved her sister, that could not be.

It had been a mere hour before Elinor arrived with his horse and their servant, prepared to bring Marianne home. The Colonel found himself disappointed that it was at end, but more to his delight, so did Marianne. Was he wrong to think that he could win her heart, her affections? He would continue to be patient, all the while, speaking his affection through his actions, to watch her responses if nothing else. He picked her up, remembering the last time he had held her like this, relieved to have found her, heartbroken at her state of mind, and infuriated with the imp who had broken her heart.

He knew he would never choose to hurt her. Instead, watching a small blush come across her face as he carried her to the horse, he wondered, "Where will we go from here?"


	4. Truth Will Out

Chapter 4: Truth Will Out

As if the last few days, one after another hadn't been interesting and confusing enough, what with her believing him to be attracted to her sister and then the hours shared in conversation, concerning poetry and family, lovely memories and insecurities that he had noticed in her since the illness, now he found himself unsure how to go such a long while without being in her presence. Once they had arrived back at the home of the Dashwoods, Colonel Brandon had taken leave of their home, so that Marianne might be allowed to recover from having overexerting herself.

It had been nearly three days, and with nearly a week's time before he would find himself near the Dashwoods again, he found himself seeing Marianne in pretty things in shop windows, good novels he had noticed in a book store and now, after having been thinking about it for months, he believed he had finally found a piano small enough to grace the Dashwood cottage without inconveniencing them in any way. He was ecstatic, hoping that, playing the piano more often might begin to lift her spirits over the next few months.

Truly, the brilliant part of his plan was having it delivered so that, she would truly have to hate the piano to refuse its installation. He had wondered how he would get around her reluctance to receive any sort of gift from him or any other person and had just realized how much safer the delivery would be without his physical presence. He picked a song that he thought she might enjoy, and jotted down a simple note challenging her to be ready once he had arrived back home once again. He knew that her family would focus on the sweetness of the gesture, while she would have an intense desire to get to know the piano, the feeling that it would have under her fingers.

He supposed that her reaction to the piano would give him insight into the possibility of any future they might have if he came back, simply to find it refused and wrapped at his home. He shuddered imagining how sad he might be if he came home to that sight. The time that they had spent together had definitely built up his confidence a little too much. He breathed a deep breath, continuing on his journey, telling himself it was better to be confident than to be cowardly.

Elinor was helping her mother with the plants in the garden, hoping that in time the inner discomfort would come to pass. Of course, she knew that there were other possibilities for her outside of her home. It was simply hard to give up a man that she had just admitted to loving.

He had never told her, of course; he had never confessed that he loved her nor that he was pursuing her. Maybe, she had been realizing recently, she had imagined their connection merely in her head. Given the fact that she had found him engaged to the antithesis of who she was, clearly she had misjudged his character.

She sighed, looking down. She heard notes from the piano that had just arrived floating out of the window into the yard. Colonel Brandon, it seemed, knew her sister as well as she did these days. Though she had been reluctant to accept the piano at first, she hadn't had anyone to argue with, which had made her powerless to stop them installing the piano. There also had been no resistance on the part of her family. If he had delivered it in person, it mightn't have gone the same way. Elinor admired his cunning and thoroughly enjoyed seeing her sister back behind the piano for several hours of the day. It lifted Marianne's spirits and she seemed to become more confident in herself and in her strength the more she played.

The music, of course, was a great pleasure. She wiped the sweat off of her forehead, looked to the garden and knew that they were nearly done. One hour more and the garden would have been reset, prepared for the upcoming fall and winter months.

Elinor had focused in again for a few minutes. She heard a horse approaching and wondered who it might be. Of course, her mind went to Edward, but it wasn't him. She knew that he was now married and out of her reach forever. It had been one sided and she shook herself out of that train of thought, wondering if Colonel Brandon might be back early or if their nearby friends might have come to call.

Her mother called out that Colonel Brandon was coming up the lane and that she must be sure to play that song that he had sent to her. Margaret, however, yelled out that it didn't seem to be Colonel Brandon. Elinor, now curious, got up and went to look at the road, to try and see for herself who must be coming up the lane.

Once she saw his face, even from afar, she immediately knew who it was. Her hands were shaking as she tried to dust them off, knowing that she had no idea what to say when he arrived at the door.

"It's Edward! It's Edward!"

She felt her heart stop and she lost the ability to think. Her mother was taking her into the cottage and she could only hear the horse coming ever closer. She saw Marianne coming over, pinching her cheeks and removing her apron.

"One meeting more," Marianne consoled, "and you will find closure."

Her words woke up Elinor and her heart, instead of slowing down, sped to an inhuman pace. She knew that it was moments away from beginning again, but moments also, from being over forever. It was both exciting and beyond agonizing. They all settled themselves in the sitting room, merely waiting, while trying to appear busy. She looked down at her knitting, in a futile attempt to compose herself and to not look into the tense, concerned eyes of her family. She knew that they were thinking that she wouldn't be able to maintain her composure. As for herself, she only knew that she was nearly torn down the middle between the two outcomes. She would either give in to the overwhelming terror, grief, guilt, and anger that she felt, while also remaining completely certain that she was capable of maintaining her composure as long as she put her mind to it. He was married and she cared for him, so there couldn't be anything more than happiness on her part for him during this visit, she decided. She would remain strong and allow Marianne to heal her once he left. This time, perhaps, forever.

Marianne, though not completely recovered, knew herself to be in a much better position at the moment than her sister must surely find herself in at this particular meeting. She swallowed her concern and decided to steer the conversation, so that she could do for Elinor, what Elinor had done for her. She would escort them all through this strange and chance encounter, while paying close attention to making sure that her sister got the peaceful visit for which her sister clearly desired.

She heard the footsteps of the maid and Mr. Ferrars as they walked toward her, coming ever closer until, finally, she saw his face. He looked hopeful and optimistic, but she could already tell that he was also very reluctant to assume any assurances of friendship as he came inside. Immediately, Marianne felt a rush of gratitude for the way Edward was handling himself. He must know how hard this will be for Elinor, but still hoped to continue his friendship with them. It was a perfect balance of respect and hesitancy, which made Marianne see Edward in such a way as she had never seen him before. For the first time, she began to see the many admirable qualities Edward possessed, which, all the while, made her heart ache for her sister. She had loved one who so easily turned away from loving, but Elinor had chosen a truly honorable man. Marianne only lacked understanding on one subject- how could such a man not have fallen for her sister, woman amongst women.

She only prayed that she could learn to help her sister mend and have her be able to stare into the face of such a danger, confident and at peace.

Edward Ferrars knew his errors from the beginning. He had known of his engagement, of his impending doom to marry a woman he didn't love, but altogether, it wasn't quite as piercing until he had first laid eyes on Elinor Dashwood. Very recently engaged, he was all the more painfully aware of the obligations that honor had had for him, but he couldn't help gravitating toward Elinor. She was subtle, yet wise. Mature, yet humorous. Witty, beautiful, responsible, perfect.

He walked into the Dashwood home feeling nothing but a split dosage of utter fear at their anger and hatred, but also hopeful and optimistic, knowing that if nothing else, he would be able to see her, to plead his case, to right the most egregious wrong of his lifetime thus far. He had never dreamed that such a woman would have any interest in the quiet man that he was, so he had deluded himself into believing his heart alone was at risk.

As he entered the room, following the maid of the Dashwood family, his eyes saw the family that held his heart. Margaret, a young adventurous heart, who dreamed of great tomorrows. Mrs. Dashwood, a gentle loving woman who had raised three amazing young women. Marianne Dashwood, a passionate woman, who he had noticed a striking change in when last they met. Still, in her eyes, he saw sorrow, and hoped that he could help her or bring about some outcome in the life of a woman he hoped to call sister. Lastly, firstly, always- his eyes couldn't help but fall on Elinor. He was elated, and yet, so hesitant. She didn't seem to be overly excited to be in his presence, which he definitely deserved.

Could he win her over? Let the truth will out.


	5. Better Than I Dared to Hope For

As Edward entered the room, he couldn't take his eyes off of Elinor for more than a few seconds. He kept looking away, to the rest of the family to know what was about to face him.

He didn't know what to expect. Did they know, but resent him for his poor decisions? Were they unaware? He looked at Marianne, stricken by his memory of her in London. She had seemed to be I'll disposed there as well. Here it seemed that she had managed a soft sadness. He knew that something wretched must have occurred. He couldn't help but feel for Elinor, knowing the depths of which she cared for Marianne, he could imagine the hardship that this family must have gone through to see so many of its members so changed at heart.

He heard, in the back of his mind, Margaret attempting to talk on the weather and Marianne smiling at him sympathetically, although she appeared to be confused. A silence fell and he came back up to the surface as he heard Elinor's voice, "Is Mrs. Ferrars at Longstaple?"

He paused, confused. "At Longstaple?! No! My mother is in town."

He saw her tense up, determinedly cheerful, she asked, "I meant to inquire after Mrs. Edward Ferrars."

So they hadn't heard. Hope began to we'll up in his heart, though he was afraid to conclude too much too early. He felt himself stumbling over his own cautiously eager response, "Perhaps- my brother- you mean Mrs.- Mrs. Robert Ferrars." He felt the shock shake through the room.

"Mrs. Robert Ferrars!" He heard Marianne and Mrs. Dashwood's response, but nothing came from Elinor. Why didn't she respond? What was she thinking?

"Perhaps you do not know- you may not have heard that my brother is lately married- to the youngest- Miss Lucy Steele." He felt such relief and happiness saying those words, in knowing that Elinor had heard them. That he had accomplished his mission of at the very least, imparting this news. Yet, still, though she seemed shocked, she remained silent. He heard gasps from the rest of the Dashwood family and said, "Yes, they were married last week and are now at Dawlish."

All of a sudden, Elinor sprung out of her seat and out of the room. He stood still, unsure of what that meant. The rest of the family tried their best to go back to their normal day and Edward went for a walk. As he prepared to leave, Marianne came to him, asking, "Would you mind helping me outside?"

Of course, he obliged; both were quiet until she was seated and he heard her ask quietly, "Do you care for my sister?"

How changed, indeed, was Marianne. More quiet and subdued, more private and aware of her surroundings. He answered honestly, "Yes, I care quite deeply." Marianne smiled a great smile, life coming back into her eyes, her body becoming more relaxed.

"Then, I beg of you, please return soon. My sister needs to hear what you have to say. She is just overcome right now. She would be mortified if you didn't return." He smiled back, saying, "Ms. Marianne, I could not stay away from the place my heart so longs to be."

She smiled, "Such passion." He saw her face sink a little, before she covered up her expression, perhaps hoping to not concern him. His heart, in the midst of rapturous freedom and joy, suddenly felt and grieved over the pain in which Marianne found herself. He wondered if anything could be done to ease her pain. He desperately hoped so.

Marianne felt happier and more empty than ever before. Her sister was bound for the happiness she so deserved. Meanwhile, she couldn't help but think about the many occasions that she had sworn to see Colonel Brandon having a strong attachment to her sister. Now more than ever, she was utterly confused. First, he blatantly refused the concept of him loving her sister in such a way. Then, he sent them a piano Forte. Now- what? What reason did he have to stay or take part in their lives? She felt empty, completely at a loss to understand why he was ever interested in being here and empty at the thought of losing his companionship.

She smiled, remembering the moment the paint arrived. She had been sure that it was delivered incorrectly, until the paint reached the cottage and she saw the note. It was simple and sweet.

"Miss Marianne Dashwood,

Perhaps you might be able to learn this duet before I return.

I would love to play it with you as soon as I am capable of returning.

-the Colonel"

She felt herself blush, wondering at herself, thinking affectionately about this man who only desired friendship. She shook her head and tried to focus on this happy occasion. Her Elinor could rest at last knowing that all would work to its proper end. She heard footsteps from the cottage and Elinor approaching.

Her eyes were shining, joyous and worried. "I... oh, Marianne. He is free. He isn't married." Elinor sat, clearly happy, then paused. "Where has he gone?"

Marianne could not help but have a little fun. She must leave a little suspense, while encouraging her all the while.

"He said that he would return."

"What if he doesn't! What if I've ruined all by removing myself?" She put her in face in her hands.

Marianne smiled. "Elinor, dear, that man is so in love with you that he couldn't possibly stay away."

"What? Did he tell you that?"

"No, he didn't have to say it, Elinor. He came all the way to our cottage to assure us that he wasn't married. He doesn't have any romantic affection for Margaret or myself, so his intentions speak for themselves."

"Surely not." Elinor could not stop the happiness she felt anymore than she could have planned for this. "I'm going to go back inside." Marianne grabbed her hand.

"I am beyond happy for you." She paused. "Could you please bring or send some parchment and ink my way?

Elinor entered the house again and must've passed the news, because soon parchment, ink, and a small writing desk arrived outside.

She thought perhaps that the desk was a bit much, but thought she might send the Colonel a letter, informing him of such good news.

"Colonel Brandon,

I hope you are well. The piano is lovely, though I must say that it was rather unfair of you. You must've known I couldn't refuse such a gift with no one to argue with here. So while I completely surrendered to the piano, that is not why I'm writing you. I thought you should like to know that I expect this very afternoon to see Mr. Edward Ferrars and my dear Elinor to be engaged. He seems to have broken free of his previous engagement. His former fiancee broke their engagement to marry his brother, Robert, leaving Mr. Ferrars free to travel here.

I hope you don't mind me writing on your busy trip and I hope it is of no inconvenience. I know that as a dear friend to all our family, you will have nothing but joy at these events. Also, I had no notion that you also played the piano. Thank you for the piano and for your friendship to my family and I.

I hope that your travels are safe and grant you a swift return.

Your friend,

Marianne Dashwood"

She sent their servant to the Brandon residence, so that the letter might be sent swiftly. The afternoon soon passed quickly as she heard and saw Edward come again to visit. She wished she could hear their words, but she ultimately knew that it was better than they had dared hope for.

Elinor had a very long afternoon. Between her doubts and the assurances Marianne had given her, each minute seemed to pass slowly. It seemed that she expected him to appear at any moment, when in reality she knew the moment he arrived. She heard the voices outside in the garden. His voice, while the words were indistinguishable, was utterly recognizable. What would he say? Could Marianne be right? Did he love her?

She was looking down at her knitting, hands barely moving, when the door opened and suddenly, they were completely alone.

She rose and curtsied, as he bowed deeply. She could feel the tension. "Mr. Ferrars," she said.

Before she could extend any invitation, or make any polite gesture, he began to pace. She had already sat, in an attempt to make him more comfortable. In seconds, he was kneeling before her.

"Elinor," he said, and she blushed. "I am without words to convey my deepest apologies. At your home, in the beginning, my actions were inexcusable. I should never have... it never occurred to me that I was risking your heart, but instead I thought I alone was in danger. My foolish engagement to Miss Steele came from a time of idle inclinations, when, had I had an occupation to busy myself, I should never have pursued further." He paused and she realized she hadn't been breathing.

"What I mean to say is this- Elinor Dashwood, from the moment that I met you, my heart has been completely and utterly yours. I came here with no expectations, but rather I came because I had to make sure you know that I love you. If I have any possibility of winning you, that is my sole ambition. If I could live and never part from you again, that would be my hearts greatest wish." He looked down.

Elinor felt the tears running down her face as she looked at him, wondering if she could have ever hoped to be so content and happy in all her life. He looked up at her, passion in his eyes, and she couldn't help but say, "Oh, Edward. My heart has been yours for a very.."

He cut her off, taking her face in his, kissing her soundly. Marianne had been right. He broke away.

"Dear heart, please marry me."

"Of course I will marry you."

Everything next was a blur, from the ring resting on her left hand, that he had secured mere days beforehand, to the joyous family celebration that happened afterwards. The family and the happy couple talked for hours, listening to Edward, a man in love tell the story of the way he'd fallen for Elinor. She felt elated. Marianne was happy for her sister, never having dreamed before today, that her wish for Elinor's happiness would come true.


	6. Hope is that Thing with Feathers

Chapter 6: Hope is that Thing with Feathers

Marianne looked out into the distance, nervous in the silence after her letter. In truth, she had not known what to expect. She hardly expected any swift response for she knew that it would take some days before the response arrived at his feet and yet a few days more before the response would arrive home again.

She marveled at the nervousness that she felt. How could she have such a penetrating anxiety over a man she merely knew as a friend? She hoped that nothing had happened while he was on the road or that he had not fallen ill, especially so far from the comforts of his home. Though, truth be told, her anxiety had been abated by the sheer level of joy that filled the Dashwood cottage. The Dashwoods keenly knew that this was nothing but a miracle. For their Elinor to be so divinely happy, while she deserved it more than any other, they knew to be a blessing from God. Only a higher power could bring such joy to one so deserving! Mr. Ferrars, soon to be her brother Edward, was the most patient and loving man that Marianne had ever seen, outside perhaps of her father and Colonel Brandon. His temperament was nothing but amiable. Passion suffused from every pore of his body and he was continually an immense help to the Dashwood family, who were beginning to prepare for the effects of the heat of the summer.

Often, to Marianne's delight, Edward would read a sonnet or two to her, while she studied his air and the way that he read. She was so foolish not to have seen the passion that he had for the words that he read. She felt a mixture of so many emotions while listening to him read. Primarily, she felt shame. One afternoon within the first few days, while listening to him read, she sighed, prompting him to pause. He looked up from the book, a curious look in his eyes.

"Is something the matter, Ms. Dashwood?" Edward, formal as ever in language, was very gentle in the tone of his voice. She had no idea why, but since his arrival, he had been very gentle with her in their conversations and daily routine. She thought that perhaps Elinor had warned him of her illness and he this was why he treated her with restraint. Perhaps he had heard of Willoughby's successes and drawn conclusions from such a point, though this also would have required a great deal of help from Elinor.

She found herself looking at her hands. She steeled herself, looked into his eyes and said, "Mr. Ferrars, I am so deeply sorry if ever I insinuated in the past or present that you are not a man of feeling. I was and would still be in error for such assumptions. I must beg your forgiveness on the matter. There is no excuse for such behavior. Rather, I believe that at the time I was solely focused on the outer professions and not the heart of the matter."

He smiled, saying, "Marianne, you have nothing to apologize for at all. Anything that might have been said so long ago is eclipsed by the wonderful concern and friendship that you have shown for me since I saw the two of you in London. Surely, you must know, that I hold nothing against you." He smiled so genuinely, that Marianne nearly missed the concern in his eyes.

"Marianne, if you don't mind my asking, is there anything that I can do, any deed that can be done, to see your lively self fully restored to you again? I find myself concerned, for although I see some happiness and joy within you, I also sense great despair and grief. Please, dear sister, is there anything that can be done to help?"

Marianne, though shocked, managed to describe the source of her ailment, her past love for Willoughby, paired with her illness.

"I am ever so happy that you and my sister have managed to achieve such great happiness. Indeed, nothing could bring me more joy. However, my heart is very conflicted, Edward. In many ways, I would be happy to remain in this moment, but for the hope that I find in the two of you that I may yet still find happiness, though by no means am nearly as deserving as you both. If nothing else, I hope still to see a day where my heart is no longer burdened, only full of the happiness that all felicities bring."

He smiled and said, "Marianne, though it may be hard to believe, you are deserving and any man would be lucky, privileged among men to call you his wife. You are caring and sweet, honest and thoughtful. I am glad to hear that you hope, for I have no doubt that in time, perhaps swifter than you imagine, happiness will find you."

She found herself smiling, comforted by the calm, gentle words of the man that loved her sister.

In her mind, however, she couldn't help but hear the voice of Colonel Brandon, more and more insistent on the idea. She shook herself out of the past and into the present. As she looked along the fence line, she remembered everything that had happened this week and hoped that the Colonel had been honest in not wanting to marry her sister. She found that concept more acceptable today than she had even a half a week before.

Colonel Brandon wasn't going to tarry in London and the surrounding area any longer than was necessary. He couldn't wait to be back among the family that he had come to know as friends and the one person that he wanted to know even more deeply.

He saw her everywhere. In the beginning, it was interesting and reassuring. Now, he was being driven mad, constantly thinking of her opinions on new fashions or books that he found intriguing. He couldn't hear an orchestra without thinking of her on the piano. He was dying to know what she thought, dying to know if the piano was wrapped on his porch, lonely and desolate. Around midnight, he was awoken by an express. He rushed to the door, paid the messenger, and saw his name on the front. He broke the seal, mentally telling himself that he had only two days more of business before he could vacate London altogether and go home.

There was a note, as well as a letter. The note read: "Sir, Ms. Marianne Dashwood wanted us to send this letter by post, for she knew that we would better know your location than she would. Second, as we did not know the contents of the letter, we have sent such tidings through an express rider. She didn't insist on speed, rather we heeded your instructions on the matter.

Your servant,

John."

He smiled. John, the only one of his servants who could both read and write, had most likely overstated the need of the letter to be sent so quickly, but far be it from him to deny the pleasure of reading anything that Marianne had sent to him.

He could hear her voice in the words she sent.

'Colonel Brandon,

I hope you are well. The piano is lovely, though I must say that it was rather unfair of you. You must've known I couldn't refuse such a gift with no one to argue with here. So while I completely surrendered to the piano, that is not why I'm writing you. I thought you should like to know that I expect this very afternoon to see Mr. Edward Ferrars and my dear Elinor to be engaged. He seems to have broken free of his previous engagement. His former fiancee broke their engagement to marry his brother, Robert, leaving Mr. Ferrars free to travel here.

I hope you don't mind me writing on your busy trip and I hope it is of no inconvenience. I know that as a dear friend to all our family, you will have nothing but joy at these events. Also, I had no notion that you also played the piano. Thank you for the piano and for your friendship to my family and I.

I hope that your travels are safe and grant you a swift return.

Your friend,

Marianne Dashwood'

He was speechless. He was thrilled to know Elinor would have such happiness, that the piano wasn't alone or desolate, that in a moment of felicity, Marianne had thought to write to him. She had called himself a dear friend to her and all her family, when as it were, weeks ago, they had hardly ever spoken. He felt hope rising up in him, helping him to know that there might yet be a chance to see all end in happiness instead of sorrow.

While he would write back, he imagined that his response would be better said in person than in writing. Three days later, early in the morning, he and his party rose and made straight to the Dashwood Cottage. Though the journey would take a few days at the very least, he felt better simply knowing that he was returning to the place that he longed to be.

Marianne woke to a lovely sunrise, and as she got dressed, she decided to go outside, hoping to watch the sunrise and the dew on the grass. Restless in her heart, she needed to walk. So, she set out without alerting anyone else, not wanting to wake them so early in the morning.

Walking along the path that she had been on with Elinor and Colonel Brandon a fortnight prior, she breathed in fresh air, thinking of all that had happened and trying to understand the way her heart was leading her. She had been so wrong about love before, so wrong about passion before, that she was hesitant to rely on herself to know where she was being led to go.

As she walked, she felt herself struggling to come to terms with the regard that she had for Colonel Brandon. Knowing herself incapable of tempting his attentions, she wondered if she would content with friendship, or if she truly found herself looking to Colonel Brandon for love and romance. She blushed, in awe of her transformation. Once, she had deemed him an old bachelor, and now- now, she didn't know how to feel, only she knew that she no longer found herself thinking of his age, or his quiet demeanor.

The sun was rising over the hills and trees. Marianne sat on the grass, watching oranges, dark blue, pink, and purples mix in the morning air. The sunrise was mesmerizing.

Before she knew it, sitting in the quiet, lost in her thoughts about the sunrise and love and happiness, she heard voices nearby, calling for her. Remembering that she had never told a soul about her walk this morning, she gathered herself, and began to walk toward the house again.

Colonel Brandon, on the morning after his arrival at Delaford, rode to the Dashwood cottage, to give congratulations, to wish them a happy life, and ensure Edward that his offer for the patronage still stood, if he still wished to take it.

However, when he arrived, instead of settling into the day as he had expected, Mrs. Dashwood seemed very concerned, Elinor and Margaret were shouting for Marianne throughout the home, and Mr. Ferrars appeared from behind the cottage, concern plain in his features.

As he dismounted, he heard Mrs. Dashwood exclaim, "Ah! Colonel Brandon! What marvelous timing!"

He looked to see her rushing toward him. Calmly, he asked, "Did you have need of me?"

"Marianne is nowhere to be found. Certainly, she was here last night, but this morning she failed to come to breakfast and furthermore, is nowhere to be seen in the house." She sighed. "I am deeply sorry that your return should find us so frantic, but you see, Marianne is not so fully recovered from her illness, that she should be going out on her own."

Colonel Brandon was deeply concerned, as he knew Marianne to be the sort of person to exceed her limits without knowing she had done so. All the same, he sought to comfort Mrs. Dashwood.

"Do not worry, Mrs. Dashwood. I am sure she has merely gone for a walk and lost track of the time. I will help you in your search, however. I will look along the walking path that the Dashwood sisters and I recently took on my last visit here."

Mrs. Dashwood nodded, and he saw her efforts to be comforted and believe what he said to be true. Now if only he could stop his mind from going to the worst outcomes. He grabbed a shawl, started toward the path, and wondered if she would be happy to see him again.

Walking along the path, he saw dew on the grass, flowers in bloom, and felt happy simply to be back where he was wanted. Making a turn, he saw Marianne, coming up the hill and couldn't help but smile.

"Hello, Ms. Marianne. Your family is looking for you."

She started, looking up, a little embarrassed. "Why, hello Colonel Brandon. I heard their cries and realized that I had lost myself in thought." As she came on level with him, he walked over to wrap the shawl around her shoulders, knowing she must be cold.

"Thank you, Colonel. It is quite cold this morning." She paused, then looked up at him. She must think him a fool, but he could not stop smiling, happiness simply exuded from him, just at the chance of being near her again. "Did you have a pleasant trip? I noticed that you had the gumption to send a piano forte."

He laughed, replying, "I'm sorry if the piano forte has put you out, Ms. Dashwood. I merely saw it and knew it belonged in your home. This trip had some pleasant moments, but I find myself more than happy to be home again." He looked down, remembering that he had felt the same coming home from the war.

"Well, I am afraid that even against my better judgement, I am overjoyed at having a piano once again, that I could not bear to part with it. In such a case, I suppose, I have no choice but to thank you for your generosity and wonder that it fell on my family of all families."

His smile had nearly sent her falling backward down the hill. He looked so handsome, confident, and at ease, that it was breathtaking. She had never seen the Colonel so happy. She wondered what could have given him such happiness and then it dawned on her. He must be happy for the newly engaged couple. She found herself thanking him begrudgingly for the piano and wondered at how they had fallen so easily back into their pattern of friendship upon his arrival.

"Miss Dashwood, I am relieved to see you looking so revived in health, though your mother might continue to worry for some time."

She laughed, "Of course, my mother must have called upon you to come look for her weak, fragile daughter." She sighed. "I'm sorry that you've had to waste time that perhaps you would rather have spent with Edward and Elinor." Looking down, she wished that the path was longer, or that she might have more time to talk with him herself, without her family nearby.

"I assure you," he said, his voice bringing her eyes back to his face, "that it was my pleasure to help your mother and very much a pleasure to talk and walk with you again." He smiled brilliantly, "The path was very beautiful. I am glad that summer has come again."

Rounding the end of the path, they nearly walked into Elinor and Edward. Thankfully, Edward had pulled Elinor back, while the Colonel had stopped Marianne.

A mere moment later, Elinor was giving her a crushing hug, saying, "Don't you ever walk off without informing us first. You scared us half to death with such nonsense." Marianne laughed, promising her that she would never dare do so again. She looked to the Colonel, hoping that perhaps he had come as much to see her as he had to congratulate Edward and Elinor.


	7. What Does Love Have to Do with It?

Chapter 7: What Does Love Have to Do with It?

Marianne knew that she would have to attend engagement party hosted by Mrs. Jennings and others, but never in her minds' eye, could she have forseen the ways such a gathering would serve to humiliate her and ruin all she had accomplished.

She thought back to the week prior, when Elinor and Edward had nearly collided with the Colonel and herself. Elinor had slightly overreacted, but Marianne was touched by the ways her sister silently told Marianne that she loved her throughout the day. In all of the little things, Marianne saw the way her sister loved and the depth of luck and felicity that would be Edward's upon securing her hand in marriage. She wondered if admiring Elinor was a direct result of her experience with Willoughby awakening her to the consequences of her thoughts, or if, instead of it being left to chance, her admiration and respect for Elinor's view on the world had always been there, masked by the desire to experience all consuming passion.

Colonel Brandon never seemed to treat her differently in the midst of everything going on in her life. Always, whether she was sad, happy, or in between, she could notice no difference. That is not to say that the Colonel was not compassionate or understanding. She simply had realized how grateful she was to be treated without pity or gentle mannerisms simply because of her pain. By always treating her the same as he always had, Colonel Brandon helped her to feel normal. She smiled, laughing under her breath at the way that he responded to her mother, upon their arrival back at the cottage. They had merely been having a good time talking, but when they arrived back at the cottage, her mother had thanked him over and over for finding her daughter and seeing that she had arrived back safely once again. He seemed amused, looking first at her, and then telling her mother that it was no problem at all. She had been perfectly fine. There had been no need to worry, he said.

Colonel Brandon felt a little selfish, realizing how much he had wanted to continue walking alone with Ms. Marianne Dashwood. When they had arrived back at the cottage, he couldn't help but remember her exasperated mention of her mother imagining her to be a small helpless, fragile child.

"Marianne! Marianne!" Her mother had run out of the cottage, clinging to her daughter for dear life. He couldn't help but remember that only a month prior, he had carried Marianne's weakened body into a house, drenched and unaware of what was going on around her. He came back to the present and told himself that he need not worry about that day anymore, she was alive, well, and here with him. "Colonel Brandon, what would we have done without you? She might've never been found or worse gotten sick once again. Thank you for everything."

He smiled, trying not to laugh at the incredulous look on Marianne's face. "Mrs. Dashwood, I assure you that it was not all that dire of a situation, but nonetheless, I am glad that I could be of any help. There was no need to worry, she was perfectly capable of accomplishing everything on her own."

Mrs. Dashwood smiled, and he wondered if she thought him a good match for her daughter. While Marianne had been sick, and they had rushed back to her, he had told Mrs. Dashwood everything, knowing that she must she the truth plainly written on his face.

Marianne had thought that everything was going well. Edward and Elinor told the Colonel that they were engaged. He had responded amiably, and she was surprised to note his surprise. Had he not gotten her letter. He spoke openly about how much happiness they would have and that he looked forward to Edward taking on the parsonage, if he still wanted the position.

Joy was in the air and Marianne realized that with Elinor attached to Edward, and Edward attached to Delaford, that she and Colonel Brandon must always have some connection. In her mind, this was both cause for felicity and cause for despair. She wanted nothing more than to continue being friends with Colonel Brandon, but what should happen if he should marry. She was sure that such friendship as they had now could not continue if Delaford became the home of a new mistress.

She wondered if he had been interested in anyone before. She remembered that Mrs. Jennings had mentioned a love in his past, but she realized that she had never imagined that he might currently have such an interest in anyone.

He had not told anyone about the letter that Marianne had sent, merely because he loved the concept of her writing to him herself. The personal meaning behind such a thing was probably foolish, but it seemed as if no one in the Dashwood home had known about the letter or the contents that it contained.

About halfway through the visit, none other than Mrs. Jennings herself and Sir John Middleton with their host of dogs, came to the cottage, hoping to lift up the party even more with their news of an engagement celebration for the new couple, to happen two days from now.

"Of course, Colonel Brandon, you are invited as well, as a friend of all of us," Mrs. Jennings said. He could hear the pity in her voice. It was as if she was saying, you poor thing, I know you have no clue how to be social, but you can take a chance at it with us. He wondered if Marianne had felt that way with him after her illness, as if she was constantly party to the pity of everyone that she knew. Colonel Brandon knew what it was like to be wounded and wanted nothing more than to be treated as if everything were normal, as if you had never needed pity or forced friendship in the first place. He knew that people meant well, but from his experience, people's pity never helped him with anything.

If he thought that he could escape the trials of one the parties that he was doomed to attend, he should have known better.

"Mrs. Jennings, why would I miss the celebration of two friends? That would be most unwise." He smiled, even though he had the feeling that she had planned something for him that he would not enjoy at all. He looked to Elinor and saw her look back consolingly, like she was going, "You don't have to go if you don't want to." Then she looked from him to Marianne and back. Of course, he should have known that Mrs. Dashwood would have told Elinor as well. Though, he knew Elinor well enough to know that she wouldn't have given away such a valuable secret without asking first. She wouldn't have told Marianne, even though they were so close to one another.

He wondered what it was that Mrs. Jennings had planned, or any such plans would reveal his affections. He hoped not, because he wasn't sure that Marianne was ready to move on after so little time recovering.

Mrs. Jennings seemed kind to Marianne, but Marianne also knew that she was a gossip, even at the best of times. She knew that she was also a matchmaker, and now that she and Willoughby were no longer a pair, she would probably be at the mercy of Mrs. Jennings and her match making skills.

Sir John Middleton, she knew, was simply a social man. Marianne supposed him to be a man that enjoyed social gatherings, if for no other reason than they enjoy throwing balls and parties. He enjoyed being the person that created happiness and festive gatherings for others.

The next few days passed quickly as Mrs. Jennings and Sir Middleton were constantly coming back and forth between the big house and their cottage, asking Elinor's opinion on the food, the décor, the guest list. Marianne saw her sister, time and again, gracious and understated in her preferences assuring them that they could invite anyone that they wanted and that she was sure to enjoy any food that they placed before her. Marianne wondered at her sister's patience and wondered if she could learn from her sister's example.

Marianne, though she was curious as to what Mrs. Jennings had in store for her, was happy to be enjoying the good fortune of her sister and Edward. The only question, for her, about the gathering is what she would wear. She only had one or two fine dresses, but I anything, her mind was more contradictory than ever, until, to her surprise, her mother came back from a day with Mrs. Jennings, with dresses in hand for both herself and Elinor. She felt nervous, but she knew that she would wear the dress for the sake of her mother. The night of the party came, and she found herself getting into the dress, the maid helping Elinor and herself, get ready and do their hair. Elinor was shining. Marianne had never seen her so happy.

At the very least, she imagined that the party would last a few hours.

Marianne never would have guessed that she would not even make it through half of the party or that she would find herself running out into the night, anything to avoid what had been set before her.


	8. A Night Remembered

A Night Remembered

Marianne found herself running into the forest surrounding the Middleton estate, seeking any path that would take her away from the room full of people she knew expecting some sort of answer out of her.

She knew that she was single, that she was of the age to marry, even that she was open to loving again, but she simply would not find herself passed from gentleman to gentleman, all of whom assume that they can win her over within the mere course of one or two dances.

Tonight, already, three men had tried to compliment her beauty and intelligence, though they hardly know her. She felt herself flattered at first, then realize that each suitor was complimenting her on the same attributes. Surely, all three men were either told to compliment her on such topics or they complimented every woman that they had come across on such things. She had sought a refreshment as a way of extricating herself from the dance floor where she had seen Colonel Brandon. She had started to approach him as a means of talking to someone that she knew.

As she walked up behind him, she heard the Colonel say, "I have no such intention. Miss Marianne Dashwood is a fine young woman, but to say that I have formed a friendship with her for the express purpose of asking for her hand is obscene. She is more than an eligible young lady, she is also a great friend and daughter."

"Colonel- "

He went to turn away and Marianne caught his eye, humiliated. Of course, now every single person, excepting him, looked at her exactly as she expected. She was a piece of meat, sold at market.

She simply nodded his way, then tears filling her eyes, fled out into the night. She didn't know why, but the way he had responded hurt Marianne. He alone, of all the men in such a place, was the only one who knew her at all. She found herself wondering whether or not he was interested in her. Since he had returned, she had begun to hope that he might be. However, obviously, she was correct in assuming that he was not.

She realized, once she stopped, once she let herself feel what all had happened, that she had feelings for the Colonel. She didn't know if she loved him yet, but she had no doubt that she would eventually find herself there. She was a young woman, but she felt as if others felt she could not decide love or romance for herself. Every young man who complimented and danced with, their sentiments had felt contrived, planned, and ultimately, they seemed to be a farce.

How could they have known if she was beautiful or smart merely by dancing a short time with her? How could they know whether or not they liked anything about her?

She couldn't help but see all of the ways that they were like Willoughby. Charming, yes, but were they honest in their estimations of her, or was the encounter more about themselves than having anything to do with her?

She was out of breath, but she was sure that she had gone far enough to keep anyone from following after her. She knew that they had assumed that she would simply run home instead of going out in the forest. After all, what kind of lady would run out into the middle of nowhere alone?

Colonel Brandon had looked forward to this evening, but business at Delaford had kept him from the party, and he arrived a few hours after it had begun. He saw a few of the people that he knew had invited him to attend, so he went to apologize for his lateness, when he saw a glimpse of the dance floor. Marianne was dancing with a young man, and while she looked beautiful, he noticed that she didn't look comfortable. Just as he went to change course, his attention was brought back to Mrs. Jennings as she called his name out in greeting.

"Colonel!"

"Mrs. Jennings." He nodded her direction. "I apologize for my late arrival. Urgent business at Delaford kept me from the party until now."

"I am sorry to hear that. Miss Marianne and the others have had a great deal of fun on the dance floor tonight."

"I am glad to hear that. Do you know where the engaged couple happens to be? I wanted to congratulate them once again on their luck in finding each other."

"I believe that they have been gone this past half hour or so, in order to see that Mrs. Dashwood arrived home safely. She had gotten quite tired and wished to quit the party. I am not sure whether or not they had promised to return, though I know that Marianne might still be here a while yet."

"Pardon me, Mrs. Jennings, but you seem to mention Ms. Dashwood quite often this evening. I am curious to know why that might be the case."

"Well, while the party was for her sister, I thought it might be a good idea to invite a number of young eligible men that I know to come and dance with her, to see if any new young gentlemen spark her interests."

"Beyond my friendship with Ms. Dashwood, were you hoping to gain some reaction from me in telling me such things?"

"Everyone knows that you have feelings for the young lady, Colonel, but because she never seemed to have any interest, I was hoping to spark some reaction, put something in play so that your friendship might see it's intended end."

"Intended? What- is my friendship with her and her entire family a means to an end?"

"Well, of course, that it what we have supposed. We don't mean to offend-"

"Well, know this, offense, whether or not it was intended, had found its mark. Ms. Dashwood is more than a way to keep from a life as a bachelor. I care for her, and don't mind saying so, but I have no such intention. Miss Marianne Dashwood is a fine young woman, but to say that I have formed a friendship with her for the express purpose of asking for her hand is obscene. She is more than an eligible young lady, she is also a great friend and daughter."

He turned, done with the conversation, keen to seek out some other engagement, when he turned to see Marianne. He paused, shocked, horrified. What all had she heard? How long had she been standing behind him?

He saw the tears well up in her eyes and he felt sorry for everything that had happened tonight. She nodded to him, then she turned, running away from him, from everyone.

He watched her run and formed a plan in his head.

He turned, saying to Mrs. Jennings, "I think it safe to say that nothing that has conspired tonight has done anything to benefit Ms. Dashwood. Please do not do any such thing again. Romance cannot be contrived, it must be pursued." From there he went to the kitchen gathering some food, some water, a shawl, and set out after Marianne. As he exited the estate, he realized that she would never have gone back to the cottage, upset as she seemed. She would not want to worry her family. The only other option open to her must be the wood, but he hoped she wouldn't go so far as to have trouble getting back. Setting off, the Colonel thought he could hear her several times, but it was just the wind in the trees.

"What? Did they think that I was going to fall in love overnight? Simply choose one man over the others when I know nothing about any of them, when none of them know anything of me?"

He was closer.

He walked in to the clearing slowly, hoping not to frighten her, wondering what must be going through her head. She was pacing back and forth, out of breath. Stepping on a branch, it cracked, and she whipped her head toward him.

"Miss Dashwood."

"Colonel Brandon."

There was a sense of awkwardness in the air. "I saw that you were upset and had to make sure that you were okay. You probably don't want me here, so I thought I would leave these things with you. I brought some food, water, a shawl. I am sorry that the party was not to your liking." He paused, then went to walk away, to leave her with her thoughts.

"I am sorry that they bothered you,"

He stopped. "You needn't be sorry. It is not your fault, so why should you apologize?"

"Because, though you have no interest in me outside of friendship, I know that my being wholly unattached to anyone at the present moment is enough to drag you under suspicion. You have been very kind tonight, sir, but if you would rather not be my friend, I would understand. I didn't deserve such friendship to begin with, though it will be missed."

He sighed. He couldn't hold off now, because if he did, she would become convinced that he had no feelings for her, that he did not care for her.

Marianne knew that he didn't care for her in that way, but she needed to make sure that he felt obligated to go out his way for her. She would miss his friendship, but she couldn't stand by and let the Colonel sacrifice his happiness and be in conflict with his community due to her singleness.

"Miss Marianne," the Colonel said, "I cannot let you continue thinking such falsehoods. Not only are you worth the friendship and any defense that I have made on your behalf, I enjoy and cherish your friendship. The small trifles of what other people consider on my behalf or yours to be true is of no consequence to me."

She could hardly breathe. She walked up to him, looking in to his eyes and her courage failed her. Playing with the hem of her sleeves and her hands, she asked, "They were asking if you intended to ask my hand, surely that is against your wishes. Is it a negative influence on your reputation, no doubt, that others deem our friendship in such a light."

Her heart was in her throat, nervous and worried, even though she knew his answer.

"There too, I think, you have estimated wrongly." His voice was soft and quiet, and she was sure that had a gust of wind come along, his voice would have been lost.

She could hear him breathing deeply, as he closed the space between them and took one of her hands in his.

"Marianne, I know that you may hate me after this, or perhaps you simply do not share my feelings. I would understand, but I don't want you to believe something that is not true."

She looked up at him, wondering what he was going to say, hoping that he loved her for some reason that she did not know or understand. Did she love him? Did he love her?

"What I said earlier is true, but you did not hear everything that I said, I believe, for if you had you wouldn't have said wat you have said tonight." She breathed in and held her breath, looking at him, seeing the hesitation on his face the passion brimming in his eyes.

"Marianne, I do care about you. I always have. From the moment I met you, I have known you to be a brilliant, beautiful, loving person. Passion, I believe is not always explained in the ways of the mind. The heart and the mind often do not mix."

She smiled, "Not they do not. Obviously, my heart and mind are not mixing well now."

"I love you, Marianne. I understand that you feel differently, so I haven't told you. It wasn't my wish to make you uncomfortable."

She was shocked. He loved her? He always had?

She backed away. "So, why have you been friends with me? Was it merely a way to earn my trust?"

"Miss Dashwood, I have never done anything to make you love me. I have not romanced you. Indeed, the piano may have been a bit much, but upon seeing it I could not help myself."

He smiled. He was smiling, the same handsome, confident smile. "I would be content to be your friend for the rest of your life, to see you happy."

"So, you became my friend to make sure that I was happy?"

"Yes. I wanted to help in any way that I could. We started reading together and laughing together. I didn't single you out for friendship. I never would have hoped that you would ever love me."

He looked away, and Marianne looked at him in the moonlight.

She turned to get some water and tripped over a hem of her dress caught on her shoe. She fell backwards until all of a sudden, she felt his arms around her, her head on his chest. He helped her to stand.

"Colonel," Marianne said as she walked to the water. "You have done so much for me. You carried me to safety when I was at my weakest, you bring food and water to me when you know that I would be uncomfortable and alone. You befriended me during one of the worst times of my life. Why would I not care about you? How could I not see the good in your nature, the kindness and understanding in your behavior that no one has shown me in the past few weeks and months?"

She turned to him. "If you say that I am worth caring for, aren't you also?"

He paused, smiling, "You have yet to say that you are against me caring for you or being your friend." He walked, bending down and handing her a canteen of water.

She smiled, blushing, "Well, who is to say that I do not care for you? Certainly, it was not me who asserted such an idea."

He brushed her hair aside that had fallen out of place. "Nothing makes me happier than being with you, Marianne." He smiled and tilted up her chin. "If you need only be convinced of the way I care for you, I am happy to fix such a misunderstanding." Smiling, he slowly lowered his face until they were a mere inch apart.

She closed her eyes as he kissed her passionately. His hands on either side of her face, he kissed her nose, her eyelids, and lastly, kissed her soundly on the mouth. Without a doubt, this was not anything a hesitating gentleman would do. In every second, she felt safe, loved, special, and beautiful. She felt swept up in the moment. She wasn't charmed by his words or changed by the way he approached her, but instead she felt a completely different passion in this moment. As opposed to a fire that burned hot and died out quickly, her feelings for him felt like a slow burn. Any doubts that she had about his feelings for her had faded.

He leaned back, and she saw him smiling, leaving her breathless. She loved him. Sure, she was not as passionate as he was, for the moment, but she knew that in time, she would love him more than she had ever loved Willoughby.

He let go of her face and took her hand once again. "If you want to send me away, you need only ask or say the word. I will leave and never bother you again. If you wish to only be friends, that also will be fine, though I will always love you, so there is no way that you can accept my friendship knowing that, then I will also leave. But, if by any chance, there is any way that I can win your heart, any way that I can show you how much I love you. I will do anything."

He breathed in, having said all of that in a matter of seconds, and she smiled. She knew that her mother would have approved of their marriage, that she was in no position to refuse someone who asked for her hand. And yet, here she found herself loved by a man who would simply walk away if she did not want him with her. He loved her enough to give her what she needed, and she couldn't imagine how she had ever seen him in a negative light. She walked toward him, a smile on her face, wondering how she should say what she wanted to say.

He kissed her. He had kissed Marianne Dashwood. He could have kept kissing her for the rest of the night and never let her go. But he knew that he must, because, before he did anything else, his first priority was to ascertain how she felt. He must tell her that it was her decision. He didn't want to force her to love him. He wanted her to choose him. If she gave him the chance, he would make sure that she had every reason to pick him, to love him. If she gave him the chance, then he had every reason to hope that she might come to love him.

If only he could convince her, but instead, all he could do was wait to hear her response.

"Colonel," she said, "I must confess that I haven't always felt the way I feel and even now, I am not completely convinced on the extent to which I feel what I feel now. I want to be fair to you, and I don't want to ruin our friendship. That being said, I don't want you to go away, and I don't want to only be your friend out of the fear of some unknown misfortune."

He smiled. "Miss Marianne Dashwood, would you, dear friend, allow me the permission of asking your mother to court you?"

She smiled. This was a night to be remembered.


	9. Walking to the End of the Earth

Chapter Nine: Walking To the End of the Earth

Marianne could not believe the events of the past evening. She was still trying to wrap her mind around everything that had been said and done alone in the past quarter hour. Not only had the Colonel confessed his affections, but he had also kissed her and asked if he might have permission to ask her mother if he might court her.

Beyond that, there were the disturbing events of the gathering this evening. Did they truly see her and other young women as problems to be solved, marriages to be arranged- had they no heart at all for everything that she had gone through in the past month.

 _"Miss Marianne Dashwood, would you, dear friend, allow me the permission of asking your mother to court you?"_

She came back to the present, smiling, hoping to assure him that she wanted this to happen.

"Colonel, I dare say that you can ask my mother's permission, if you are sure that you would want to court someone like me."

He was ecstatic for all of five seconds, before he realized what she had said.

"What reason could I possibly have to not wish to court you?"

"I am no perfect person. While I was in love with … him, I believed we were always going to be together. I wasn't wholly inappropriate with him, but I was more intimate with him, emotionally, than I ever should have been. The wounds, in some ways, are still as fresh as the day that I received them. I am no saint. That being said, I would understand if you had no desire to court someone so wounded, so changed from who I was mere months ago."

"You are the same person that you have always been. After your heartbreak, you came back stronger, gentler, wiser, and more beautiful than you were before. Your heartbreak, though I wish you hadn't suffered such loss, was not your fault. It was the fault of a coward who didn't know how to love and did not deserve a chance with someone so precious, if he was willing to throw all away for a better living."

He walked up, taking her hands, and looking her in the eyes. "You are worthy of love, admiration, and affection. I am honored to have you, if you are willing to give me the chance."

Marianne looked at the Colonel, astonished by his openness and his kind words. He made her feel unique and valued. He gathered the basket and then looked back to her, hoping she hadn't changed her mind. He just saw her smile, place her hand in the crook of his arm, and say, "Shall we? I imagine that Elinor will be quite put out if I don't arrive soon enough. I imagine that your conversation with my mother will have to wait until tomorrow, as it is quite late."

"Indeed, it is late, Miss Dashwood. I believe it will be my pleasure to see that you arrive home safely. Walking will be the quickest way to see you home, I believe." He smiled at her, tightening his arm slightly around hers, trying to show her that he enjoyed having her close by, that it was a privilege to be her escort.

Elinor knew that it was useless to worry, that Marianne knew what she was doing, but she could not help but worry after an hour had passed since Mrs. Jennings had arrived and told her about Marianne leaving the party.

She knew that Mrs. Jennings was leaving out details, because Marianne would not simply run away for any insipid reason. She knew all too well that they would worry, and rightly so, given her previous illness. Thankfully, her mother had already gone to bed and Margaret was sworn to secrecy. Elinor imagined the last thing that her mother needed was the concept that Marianne had run away into the darkness and had yet to show up. She had sent Edward to look for Marianne, though he hadn't arrived back home either, meaning he must not have had any luck.

Elinor heard Edward laughing and ran to the front door, seeing exactly what she had hoped for. The Colonel must have found her after all, and Edward then must have found the pair. Elinor swore that she could see a blush on her sister's cheeks, a jauntiness in the Colonel's steps that had not been there before. Something must have happened, and she was determined to see it unearthed. She walked out onto the front lawn, walking up to Marianne, catching the last part of the conversation.

"I mean, the nerve of people, to say that the Colonel had merely become my friend for such purposes. The nerve, the gall, I can't imagine how they thought that pairing me up with random eligible bachelors would have any positive impact on me, or that it would have induced me to have any affection for such unknown suitors."

"Marianne, dear, whatever are you talking about?" Elinor said as she walked forward, hugging Marianne.

"Miss Dashwood, if I may," Colonel Brandon said, taking her by surprise. "Miss Dashwood overheard me answer queries posed by Mrs. Jennings at the party. Most notably she asked whether or not I had become friends with your sister with the express purpose of asking for her hand. I categorically denied it, and Mrs. Jennings said that she had brought in suitors for Marianne to see if it might spark any reaction between Miss Dashwood and myself. It has been quite an evening."

Elinor felt her jaw drop, though she quickly recovered and stared at Marianne, impressed that she had simply run away and not made a huge scene at the party, demanding to know the reasons that they had treated her the way that they had. "I am so sorry, Marianne. She came here a little while ago, and I could tell that she had not told the entire truth, though I knew that you would tell me everything once you had gotten home."

Marianne blushed, and Colonel Brandon looked down at her, happier than she had ever seen him. Something must have happened between the two of them after the party and on the way here.

"Well, I am afraid that I should depart for the evening, though I have a suspicion that I will see you all again soon," Colonel Brandon said, as Marianne realized that her hand was still in the crook of his arm. She let go and Elinor said, "We would love to have you here any time that you would like to visit, Colonel." He smiled and nodded to her.

"Have a pleasant evening, Colonel," Marianne said.

"I certainly will Miss Dashwood," the Colonel said before starting back toward the path that the two had come from, basket in hand.

Edward, sensing that Elinor wished to spend some time with Marianne, called out to the Colonel. The Colonel turned and the two quickly decided that tonight would be as good a time as any for Edward to go to Delaford, so that he might inspect the parish tomorrow for any renovations or updates that it might require. Edward walked to Elinor, kissed her on the hand, and said, "I will see you again soon. Goodnight Miss Marianne." He smiled at her and she smiled back openly, glad to have him as a brother soon enough.

As soon as they were on the path, the Colonel and Edward fell into an easy silence. As soon as they had left the cottage, however, there was anything but silence on the part of one Elinor Dashwood.

Marianne seemed dazed and confused, but also very happy and sure of herself all the same. Elinor was dying to know everything that had happened. She desperately hoped that the Colonel had confessed, that finally the two might have some chance at happiness.

Marianne was aware that her sister wanted to know everything that had happened. To an extent, Marianne was ready to tell all, but another part of Marianne needed time to process everything that had happened. Sure, others might have seen this coming, but to Marianne, she had no clue that he had had feelings for her or there was the fact that she had not realized until one hour prior that she also had feelings for the Colonel. Everything had happened so quickly, in fact, that Marianne was sure that she would wake up the next day and need to be convinced of all that had happened again.

Edward was sure that something had happened between the Colonel and Miss Marianne and he could not be happier for the two of them. He knew that the Colonel was a good man, and once they had realized that they loved separate Dashwood sisters, all of the enmity that had been present in their relationship had faded away.

Christopher Brandon felt younger and more hopeful than he had for most of his life since the war. He had seen gruesome and terrible things, but he was amazed all the same by the beautiful places he had been. The joy he felt now, so wholly unexpected as he left for the party tonight, was everything that he could think about and it was not long before he and Edward began to discuss him courting Marianne and the amount that she had recovered after her illness. Christopher was amazed to realize how much Edward cared for Marianne, though it was clear to him that he cared for her as a dear sister.

"She has changed so much since I met her so long ago," Edward said. "The one who broke her heart was a foolish boy who didn't know the value of the woman that he had in front of him." Edward laughed bitterly, then said, "Dashwood women are of the highest caliber."

"Indeed, they are," Christopher said. "Indeed, they are."

As he and Edward walked toward the house, to retrieve Christopher's horse and carriage, it seemed as if they walked to the end of the earth.


	10. Meanwhile, Back on the Ranch

Chapter 10- Meanwhile, Back on the Ranch

Marianne watched as the Colonel and Edward walked away, wondering if he might talk to Edward, or if indeed, they might become friends. She was hesitant to remain here, knowing that her sister was more than ready to have her spill every detail out to her. She turned hesitantly, to see her worst fears confirmed. Her sister was bursting at the seems, more than ready to drag out the details if necessary.

"So, dearest sister, how was your evening?" Elinor smiled and Marianne knew that for the happiness of her sister, that she would have to at the very least tell her sister the basics that had happened. Finding herself, slightly, relieved to have the advice and encouragement of her sister, she answered, "Honestly, I have no words to describe the evening. I have felt every emotion, had every doubt and every excitement. But, I believe, perhaps it is time for our dearest Margaret to go to sleep."

Marianne heard her youngest sister groan from the garden closest to the front window as she and Elinor laughed. "You should have known that I knew you would be here. You are no master of stealth."

Margaret drug her feet as she, Elinor, and dear Margaret went back into the cottage.

She wondered just how much her sister knew and whether the Colonel had confided in Elinor his feelings toward her. She didn't feel ashamed about the way that she felt or the progress that they had made tonight, but it was all so new that so wondered if maybe Elinor's opinions might sway her decisions.

Margaret went to bed and Elinor followed Marianne to their room, helping her to get ready for the night. As Elinor was taking down her hair, Marianne heard her say, "So, what happened at the party after we left?"

Marianne, surprised at the gentle tenor in the tone of her voice, sighed and tried to express her feelings.

"Elinor, before Willoughby, I loved parties. I loved to dance with people I didn't know or care about. Tonight, every man seemed to care about nothing more than flattering me, every man about the same parts of me. They thought that by telling me that I was smart or beautiful or graceful, that I would like them better, but none of these men knew anything about me. It all felt planned, everyone complimenting me in the same way. I wanted to get away, so after finishing the dance, I excused myself to get some water."

She breathed, thinking about what she had walked into, how it had made her feel.

"The Colonel had not been there tonight, so when I turned the corner, I saw him and decided to say hello."

Elinor smiled, "Yes, go on."

"I heard him say, 'I have no such intention. Miss Marianne Dashwood is a fine young woman, but to say that I have formed a friendship with her for the express purpose of asking for her hand is obscene. She is more than an eligible young lady, she is also a great friend and daughter.'"

Elinor gasped. "Surely, Mrs. Jennings had not asked the Colonel such a direct question."

"Later, he told me he had asked her such a question. On many levels, in the moment, I was appalled. Every one in the group, apart from the Colonel who had not noticed my presence, was looking at me like an auction item. Elinor, I have rarely ever felt so humiliated. I had no idea, honestly, why the Colonel would even bother defending me, or why they would have asked him such questions. I felt frozen, stuck in my place. I was just starting to regain my breath, and I felt the tears in my eyes, when the Colonel turned and saw me."

Elinor had finished taking down her hair and was intently focused, a gentle look in her eyes.

"I couldn't believe that he had been so nice and I had never been more convinced that he had no feelings for me in any capacity."

Elinor asked, "Did you want him to feel something for you?"

"Before tonight, I had thought that I only cared for the Colonel as a friend. Certainly, over the last few days, I have seen him differently than before, but when I heard him say such a vehement negation of any possibility of such feelings tonight, I realized how much I had come to hope that, perhaps one day, we might have a future together."

Marianne, while she was glad to say these things, to tell her sister how she felt and at the same time, she was almost in pain trying not to laugh at the conflicted look on her sister's face. Marianne could tell that her sister knew how the Colonel felt about her, as he had told her himself tonight, but it was amusing all the same to let her worry.

"So, I wasn't going to stand around and let everyone talk about me, while I could not find my voice to say anything in return." She paused and breathed. She wondered what might have happened had the Colonel not followed her into the woods. She would probably have lost her way and not been able to return home until morning, which would have definitely worried her family to no end.

"What happened next?"

"Well, I couldn't bear to come home, because I didn't want any of you to worry about what had happened tonight, or if I would be okay, so the only place I could think of was the woods behind their manor."

"Marianne! You should have come here! Imagine if you had gotten lost or if you lost track of time!"

"Elinor, I'm sorry, but I know that you all worry more about me now. I don't want to be a burden."

"Oh, Marianne, you are never a burden to us. I miss you telling me how you feel. True, at times, it can be a bit overwhelming, but I never want you to feel like you have to change for me to love you or want to be with you."

Elinor hugged Marianne and Marianne couldn't believe that she had just been told to be more emotional by Elinor, of all people. Life was truly a mystery.

"So, the Colonel walked you home. Something else must have happened."

Marianne sighed. "Yes, to my chagrin, I was ranting out my feelings, processing everything and talking to myself, when I heard him say my name. I turned to see him, carrying a picnic basket and a shawl." She smiled, thinking about how thoughtful he was to have known that she might be cold or hungry, failing to have eaten at the party.

"He is so thoughtful," Elinor said, smiling. All of a sudden, Marianne remembered asking the Colonel if he had an interest in her sister and saw his rejection of that idea in a whole new light. She groaned and Elinor look confused.

"Yes, he is." Marianne laughed at herself, "I am so oblivious." She laughed and Elinor looked very confused.

She looked at Elinor and everything rushed out.

"Elinor, I am so blind. I started telling him that of course he didn't need to defend me if it was going to inconvenience him in any way and that I didn't truly deserve his friendship. It was obvious to me, I told him, that he did not have any affection for me. It seemed like he was about to walk away, when he confessed, Elinor, to me. He confessed that he had always wanted to court me, but had kept himself from approaching me, because he was certain that I had no feelings for him. He said that he was content merely to see me happy and to be friends for the rest of his life, and that, if knowing of his interest in me, I was uncomfortable, that he would leave and not bother me anymore.

I have never had a man be so generous to me, Elinor. I have never seen a man so willing to do anything that would make me happy. He was willing to do anything to make me happy, no matter the consequence that he would have because of it."

She paused. "Elinor, then and there, I knew that I may not love him now to the same extent that he loves me. I may not even be the best woman for him. But, regardless of that, he chose me, he loves me, and he is willing to do anything to make me happy, even if what makes me happy is not what makes him happy or content."

"Of course, he loves you, Marianne. How could he not? You are so caring, loving, passionate, and empathetic. You are such a great woman that he would be a fool not to see all that you have to offer."

"Elinor, he asked if he had my permission to ask Mother to court me."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes."

The door burst open with Margaret yelling, "Yes!"

Marianne blushed, "Margaret, why are you so happy?"

"The Colonel is such a good guy and I like him a lot."

"Well, I am glad that you approve."

Elinor smiled, from ear to ear, and Marianne knew that her sister approved.

"Margaret, you want to know something funny?"

"What?"

"Well, a few weeks ago, I asked Colonel Brandon if he was interested in Elinor."

Elinor and Margaret started laughing and Elinor said, "What would give you that idea?"

"Well, right before he left on his trip, he seemed so happy after talking to you, that I wondered if he had become my friend to get closer to you." Elinor was chuckling and said once she caught her breath, "He had made me promise that if you needed anything, that we could send a message to him, because he could not leave without knowing that he would be told if you needed help. I promised him and I could see how happy he was."

Marianne chuckled, but then became very serious. "Elinor, do you think he loves me, like he says he does? What if I trust him and it doesn't work out? What if he decides that I am not good enough?"

"Dear, the Colonel is over the moon for you. He adores you. I know that Willoughby hurt you, that he broke your heart, but the Colonel has cared for you for such a long time. I am certain that if he has cared for you so deeply and for so long that he is certain of his feelings for you."

Marianne truly hoped so.


	11. A Flower for the Lady

Chapter 11: A Flower for the Lady

Marianne slept so well, that when she did wake, she was surprised to see Elinor nearly ready as she was barely opening her eyes. She wondered how she had been able to sleep so well, until she remembered her dreams. It was beginning to slip away from her, but she remembered something about a kiss and Colonel Brandon.

Marianne shot up in bed, and Elinor was so shocked that she looked as if the breath had been torn from her. Holding her hand over her heart, Elinor looked down, taking two or three moments to breathe. She looked up and said, "You certainly slept well last night."

"I had this.. very lovely dream, Elinor." She blushed and Elinor smiled a tiny, knowing smile.

"Are you quite sure that it was a dream, Marianne?"

Marianne lost herself in a daze for the next hour or so, as she got ready. Honestly, if Elinor was right as she always was, it had not been a dream. He had truly kissed her the previous evening. He had asked her if might gain the permission to court her, if that was what she wanted. Marianne kept catching herself smiling like a fool, for absolutely no reason. He was going to think her mad.

She closed her eyes and thought back.

"If you need only be convinced of the way I care for you, I am happy to fix such a misunderstanding."

She remembered closing her eyes, feeling his hands holding her face, his lips touching her eyelids, her nose, her mouth. She swallowed, feeling her heart dance at the feeling she got, remembering his kiss. She had felt beautiful, flawless, and wanted when he kissed her. He couldn't erase her doubts, but in that moment, she had no question about his feelings for her. If that feeling was the way that he saw her, she wished she could see herself in such a light. Perhaps, to be so happy all the time would be a mark of ignorance. She wondered if she would mind such ignorance if she could enjoy such happiness.

She shook herself, trying to do anything she could to be productive with her day. After breakfast, it began to sink in that all day, she would jump at every approach, knowing that today the Colonel would ask for the permission to court Marianne.

The Colonel, a few miles from Marianne, could not sleep for anything. His heart was turning and tossing all night. He simply was not tired. Instead, all he could think of were the words that he should use to persuade her mother. Certainly, he was not the youngest man, nor the wisest, but he loved her. He had never been more certain of anything than he was about his feelings for Marianne.

He wondered if Marianne thought him rash, or single minded, for having kissed her. He knew that he loved her in that way, but he also wanted to win her heart. She was far too valuable, far too incredible to allow her time to be wasted by anyone unworthy of her hand. Certainly, he hoped to prove himself worthy, to have her say that he was worthy of her hand.

Edward wondered if something was wrong with the Colonel. For one, he was much more talkative today than he had been yesterday. For another, the slight darkness under his eyes told Edward that he might not have slept a wink the entire night. However, he was certainly happy. Edward could tell from a single glance that he seemed at least ten years younger on sight. He had a gleam in his eye that Edward had mistaken for humor, he could see now was something different altogether. Edward felt himself seizing up slightly, not knowing the Colonel as intimately as others around him.

He was very protective of Marianne, and though he esteemed the man he knew the Colonel to be, it was everything he did not know that worried him, that made him slightly cautious, though if they were a match, he would be very happy for them both. Edward did not easily come to care for those outside his inner circle, but from the beginning he had cared for Marianne. He supposed that could be contributed to knowing Elinor, wanting to care for the people that Elinor cared for. He was not convinced however, remembering his admiration for her passion, her wit. He had cared for Marianne long before he knew Elinor to be the love of his life. Now, soon to be her brother, he wanted to protect her from darkness and tragedy.

He and Colonel Brandon were on their way to the cottage, both silent.

Colonel Brandon seemed slightly nervous, but nothing out of the ordinary for the day that he was to ask Mrs. Dashwood's permission to court Marianne.

"This area has really grown on me, within these past weeks, as I have taken up residence here. The land is lovely, as well as the company, I dare say."

"True, recently the company here has had no equal."

"Colonel, I never had the chance to ask before, though now I find myself curious. If it isn't too personal, or inappropriate of myself to ask for such intelligence, I wonder if you might tell me about the feelings you had when Marianne fell ill, not too long ago."

"Sir, I can't truly describe, in words, the horror that I felt. To have such a lovely creature, one so dear to me, die at such a tender age. Well, it might have been the end of me, if it were to have happened. I once lost another, who also was so keenly near to my heart. So precious was her existence, that having lost her, I found no recourse but to serve my country. I was so certain that another opportunity to embrace love or happiness would never come, until I saw Marianne. Then, to be carrying her in my arms, out of the rain, to have to stand by, helpless as her condition worsened. Truly, it was the darkest week of these recent years, perhaps of all my life. If I had been offered then, to trade my life for hers, I would have done so in an instant." The Colonel shuddered and indeed, Edward could only imagine having seen Elinor in such a state. He might nearly have gone mad, unable to help her in any fashion or ease her pain.

"I daren't even imagine such a horror, Colonel. To imagine Elinor in such a state, it would have been my end, knowing that there was nothing that I could have done to help her." He paused, then continued, "Even imagining Marianne in such a state, though I did not see it, would have wrought such pain on me, that I have no idea of such consequence. To know Marianne is to love her, and indeed, I considered her a darling sister long before I was secure in my attachment to Elinor."

The Colonel merely nodded, saying, "Indeed. I understand. For even had I not fallen for Marianne, to know Elinor is to love her as well. Elinor was already a dear friend at the time that Marianne had fallen ill."

The horses were bringing them steadily up the road, moving along, and a comfortable silence passed as Edward looked out the carriage, amazed at how beautiful this part of the country was, even as they passed the border of Delaford, he began to come out of his interest of anything outside of the carriage. He found himself feeling anxious to see Elinor, to know her heart and mind on the matter.

A peace unlike any other had fallen on Elinor. She found herself content, happy, amiable. For one, she had known for such a long time that the Colonel loved her sister. Now, knowing that Marianne saw the truth of his feelings, Elinor found herself impatient, waiting for the end of the day, after her mother had been told and Marianne and the Colonel had gone for a walk with herself and Edward. Elinor knew from experience that after such a moment, a lady needed to be as alone as was possible with the man who had sought her hand.

Elinor could not be happier.

Marianne found herself swaying back and forth, hoping she hadn't somehow imagined everything.

Edward wanted nothing but good for his new sister.

Christopher, for a moment, left the Colonel behind, and was for the moment a man in love with a flower for the lady.


	12. Hot Ice and Wondrous Strange Snow

Chapter 12- Hot Ice and Wondrous Strange Snow

The Colonel looked at the rose that he had picked from the garden just prior to traveling to the Dashwood cottage with Mr. Ferrars. He loved that this petal was fragile, lovely, and that it smelled wonderful. He looked up as they came around the bend. The carriage stopped at the bottom of the hill, where the Colonel and Mr. Ferrars climbed out of the carriage and began the trek up the hill to the cottage by foot.

"What a lovely flower," Edward Ferrars remarked, as Colonel looked toward the house, suddenly nervous to see the woman who would decide how the day would go, Mrs. Dashwood.

"Indeed, I thought so when I picked it a few moments ago." He smiled at Mr. Ferrars, who gave a small smile in response. He enjoyed the companionship of a man who also required few words. They could speak when there was much to speak of, but were otherwise content to walk in silence.

"Colonel! Edward!" Margaret Dashwood cried from the door, rushing out to greet them. Colonel Brandon could not help but feel the excitement of the young girl, who had always filled him with a sense of childlike yearning for adventure and exploration.

"Miss Margaret," they said together, both bowing deeply as she giggled and curtsied clumsily.

"How are you this morning?" Edward asked her, straightening out of his bow.

"Great! How are you?"she asked in return, a smile spread across her face, from ear to ear.

"Very well." Colonel saw a mixed expression of love and longing in Edward's face, realizing that of course his friend would want to have children with Ms. Elinor. He was so happy that they had reunited, for he truly believed that Ms. Dashwood deserved nothing less than true love and felicity in her lifelong marital commitments. He heard steps on the lawn, turning to see the rest of the Dashwood women. Mrs. Dashwood had a serene smile on her face, Elinor gave the Colonel a brief glance, telling him just how happy she was. Marianne, however, was just as captivating as always. Her face was painted by a beautiful blush splayed across her cheeks, a spark in her eyes, and a underlying happiness that truly undid his composed expression. Suddenly, he felt himself become the confident, young soul that he was around her. Confident, adventurous, and ecstatic to be alive and in her presence.

Elinor, Margaret, and Edward all began to walk toward the house. Marianne followed suit, with a quick look in his direction, a smile on her face, that he could only assume was meant for him, and him alone. Mrs. Dashwood walked closer to him and asked if he would mind strolling about the garden with her for a minute or two. He, of course, obliged. Happy to immediately address the situation, he followed her. They walked in a content and happy silence for all of one minute, before they had gotten out of earshot, at which point, Mrs. Dashwood turned to him, a fierce joy in her eyes.

Mrs. Dashwood said, "Elinor told me that you might be coming by today, to speak to me about Marianne." Her smile was contagious, almost an exact match of Marianne's smile.

"Mrs. Dashwood," he said, happy to fill in the gaps. "You have known about my feelings for your daughter for quite some time." He paused, stopping and turning to her. "Of course, you know of my desires, but I wish to assure you that my intentions are entirely noble in regard to your daughter. If at any point, your daughter decides to end our courtship, I am more than willing to remain friends with your family if at all possible, or to go away forever, if her happiness requires it. I want to ask your permission, your blessing for me to court your daughter."

Mrs. Dashwood, smiling, hesitated for a moment, looking into his eyes, "I will not deny, Colonel, that I am beyond happy that you and my daughter have chosen this path, if only for the time being. However, should you hurt my daughter, or wound her so severely as the scoundrel before did, only then would you not be welcome in my home and around my family. I happily consent to you courting my Marianne."

She smiled and Colonel Brandon felt three thousand pounds lighter, looking into this wise woman's eyes and seeing so much to learn from, for while he knew she may not be wise about business or logical solutions, like Elinor, he knew her to be more than knowledgable in the matters of the heart. She had seen his heart so clearly, after knowing so little of him, and so he took her blessing as a high compliment. Indeed, her belief in his goodness meant much to him, in his estimation of his ability to provide and care for Marianne.

She smiled and said, "You know, I believe that Elinor was planning to walk with Marianne quite soon. It would be a shame for you, Colonel, and Mr. Ferrars not to join them on a stroll on such a lovely day as this." She winked, and he chuckled in response, answering her, "Mrs. Dashwood, it would be remiss for me to forsake such a privilege. I would be delighted to go with them, if they would enjoy my company." He held out his arm, saying, "Shall I escort you back inside, Mrs. Dashwood?"

She smirked slightly, saying, "Indeed, how could I refuse such a kindness?"

Marianne, Margaret, and Elinor were telling Edward nonsensical tales of their childhood years together, when Marianne caught a glimpse of her mother, walking back to the house, her arm on Colonel Brandon's, both smiling and laughing, as if they had known each other for ages. Her mother let go of his arm once they came in the house, she noticed, but both had seemed to come to a respectable understanding, but Marianne was certain that something mischievous was afoot. Surely, her mother had told him embarrassing anecdotes about her childhood. She was much less confident than she had been before he had arrived. She found that with every moment that passed, her memory of last night consumed more and more of her thoughts. She had to have it confirmed, to talk with him about these things, or surely she might lose the only wits left to her name. Surely, he could at least tell her whether or not they had been given permission to court, whether or not he had even talked to her of such issues. She had assumed it would be a very serious discussion, so when they had come back laughing and smiling, she had assumed that something altogether had been the purpose of such a stroll and conversation.

Marianne looked at her sister, aghast. They had no such plans. Of course, the Colonel seemed to smoothly accept the invitation. She admitted to herself that she would not even remotely mind having the chance to talk to him privately, to have those assurances, which at present she was dying to hear.

"Ms. Elinor," the Colonel intoned, "of course, I would be remiss to miss such an opportunity."

Elinor chuckled lightly, replying, "For you to say such a phrase is indeed quite an honor."

Marianne could not help but smile, imaging a world where, now later in life, the four of them still walked together. She noticed the flower in his hands, which he gave her silently, making her even more ready to speak with him. She placed the flower on the piano, in a vase and water, hoping to stir them into action. "Shall we then?" Marianne and Elinor gathered their shawls and hats, to protect their skin from the sun, as the men lightly discussed the weather and little nothings about business.

Once the ladies were ready, the couples worked their way toward a familiar walking path, Elinor and Edward ahead of them by a few paces, smiling and laughing with one another. She was so happy to note the way her sister seemed comfortable placing her arm in Edward's, as well as how easily they could match each other's pace.

The Colonel held his arm out to Marianne and she took his arm shyly, not knowing what they were to discuss on this path to nowhere.

"Miss Marianne, how are you doing today?" he asked, a mystery quality behind his tone of voice that could be happiness or measured kindness.

She feared the possibility of looking at his face and seeing complacency or looking only to see that he had changed his mind. She looked, deciding that no matter which, she had to know his mind on the matter. She looked up, to see him smiling; she noticed that he was holding her arm close to his side. She could tell that she had not imagined the previous evening.

"I slept well last night." She smiled until she noticed his eyes, which vastly confused her. He seemed utterly happy and yet so, so tired at the same time. She stopped and his eyes seemed concerned for a second. Suddenly, she found herself reaching out with her other hand to trace the bags under his eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, truly concerned. "I have never seen you so tired." He caught her hand against his face with her other hand, replying, "I have never been better. I did not sleep much last night, but that is only because I could not wait to be with you again today." He smiled a big smile and said, "Don't worry, please. I promise that I am quite well."

She realized that her hand was still against his face, that she had reached up to his face without permission, or even much familiarity, and blushed. He must think her naïve, foolish, to have done such a thing. She watched him close his eyes, smile for a moment, then move his hand away. She dropped her hand, embarrassed. They began to walk again, the previous moments lengthening the stretch between them and Edward and Elinor. She walked quietly, wondering what was on his mind, when he asked, "What are you thinking, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I was wondering, actually, what you must be thinking.. about me, about last night, about anything and everything."

He was silent for a few moments, a serious look on his face. "Miss Marianne, last night, I asked your permission to court you, and today, just a few moments ago, I asked your mother. She gave us her blessing." He paused again, before continuing, "It has never been easy for me to put into precise words what I feel for others. For you, however, I am positive that I care for you, that I love you. I find you to be gorgeous, precious, and the woman that I wish to know even better." Edward and Elinor were far enough ahead that he pulled her hand up, kissing it briefly. In a lower voice, he admitted to her, "I adore you." She shivered a little, smiling.

"All morning, I thought, maybe, I had some how dreamed everything that had happened last night." She blushed, thinking again of the moment between them last night.

"While every moment we had last night was special, never imagine it a dream. If such a great night had only been in your imagination, truly, it would be the end of me. I had longed for so long, so long- to tell you how I felt. One of the best moments of my life, Marianne, was the moment when I kissed you last night."

She was slightly in awe, of her transformation, and his. She had completely changed in her heart, her mind, over the course of the last few weeks, but he had also changed, becoming confident, handsome, and such a gentleman, driving her heart into a much more open place, in which she felt trapped, considering his feelings for her. As Shakespeare once said, "This is hot ice and wondrous strange snow." Indeed, how different and marvelous they were together, here in this moment.


End file.
